I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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