i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
