Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
