I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
