Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
