smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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