I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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