Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
