Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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