There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
