i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
