I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
