.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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