Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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