When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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