New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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