i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
