so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!