You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
