i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.