I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
