I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.