From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
