All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
