Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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