we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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