oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
