1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
