I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
