You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
