She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
