Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
