I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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