omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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