I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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