btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
