When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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