i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
be right there i have to get my cape
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
