dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
never play flip cup with pint glasses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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