Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
smell my finger.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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