his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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