just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
