So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
