so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
