Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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