how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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