she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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