Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry about my life...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
