the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
