Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
