I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
