I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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