This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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