you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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