Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
