True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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