I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there's paper in my vomit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I party with great urgency now.
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