Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
