Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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