fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone came in the potted fern
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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