my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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