A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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