Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Green mimosas i think yes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
