Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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