I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
