Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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