How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
we're so committed to being not committed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
