all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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