My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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