btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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