Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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