I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
