at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
