you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
