He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
