Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize