Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
