so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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