there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
