she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
