I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
