I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
