Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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