Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
