I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
